Modern Living Tips

Here’s a tip for the gentlemen out there: No more pocket change!

Remember, those clinking, clacking coins are bad for your trouser pockets and lead to premature aging of your jodhpurs.  Besides, there’s nothing more annoying than a man playing with his coins: bystanders are left to “using their imagination” with regard to what’s really going on when metal hits metal near a man’s thigh.


They need your change!

My advice is to jettison the change into the hands of a needy bum or hobo. They need it more than any RickNews reader does and you can stuff your pockets with things that were meant to nestle next to your schlong: an iPhone, keys, Toblerone…


2 Responses to “Modern Living Tips”

  1. Chip Maloney Says:

    I agree. Pocket change is the bane of my existence. I have actually just had the pockets of my vintage wool peacoat repaired for 30 dollars each because of the destructive properties of those pesky jostling metal discs on ancient silk pouches…well, that and my .25 caliber Beretta. Lately, I’ve taken to tossing handfuls of change ala John D. Rockefeller, at unruly, black schoolchildren in the courtyard of the Bushwick High School on Bushwick Avenue near my L-Train stop. You should see those bristling young savages shout, leap and punch each other for my leavings. I see why Rockefeller enjoyed doing that so much. You can’t render that much fun out of a few bucks on this entire planet. Good letter this month Rick. Keep up the good work—and it’s nice to have you back.

  2. Again, I’ll say what I’ve always said: You are the funniest man in the world! Thanks for the comment and keep ’em comin’!

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